TEENAGE TANTRUMS

By Dr. Jyoti  Patil

Email:Jyotipatil_id1@yahoo.co.in

Mob: 9422807224

Ruchira, a thirteen year old girl has been whispering on her mobile continuously for half an hour. Mother objects to it and says, “Stop talking on phone so long and pay attention to your studies.” A curt reply comes from Ruchira, “Do your work Mom, I know my work. Don’t lecture me.” “What!! Am I lecturing you? Is this the way to answer to your mother?” Ruchira gets more irritated.  “Mom! Let me talk to my friend and don’t disturb me. Mind your own business.” Mother continues, “You have become very stubborn these days. I will talk to your papa.” “Oh Mom! Stop it now. Enough is enough. It is my life. Let me live it according to my wishes. If you have given me birth that does not mean that you will have a complete dictatorship over me.” The talk goes on like this making the atmosphere of the house bitter and tense. This is today’s ‘ghar ghar ki kahani’. 

Today the living style is changing so fast that it has become quite challenging for the older generation to keep pace with the Generation Next. Aarushi’s case has opened up a Pandora’s Box about the behavioural patterns of young children specially teenagers. The generation gap is widening day by day and it is difficult to keep pace with the info savvy younger generation. 

 

Akshay was chatting on the internet (thanks to arkut.co.) for a long time last night and now is sleeping till late in the morning. Mother calls him to get up and get ready for school. He is not willing to get up. When he gets up he is already late for school. Mother scolds him for his irresponsible behaviour. He does not bother either to listen to what his mother is telling him or to answer her queries. He shouts to serve him breakfast. He wants to go out of the house as soon as possible. But when he sees the breakfast, he gets angry as he does not like aloo paratha and sauce. He leaves home without any food and in a very bad mood leaving mother at home wondering where she goes wrong in his upbringing. This is a common scene in almost every household where teenage children throw tantrums like this and parents find it difficult to face. 

To handle teenage children is becoming an uphill task for parents. During teenage many psychological and physiological changes occur and especially it is seen that they become more irritative and defiant.  They start cross questioning and demanding for things. They don’t want to obey or follow orders like slaves. They want to discuss and argue on various matters related to them. If you say, “Don’t do this?” Their immediate response will be “Why?” 

We are different

Teenage children today are becoming smarter and cleverer than their parents and it is really challenging for the parents to adjust amicably with their children. They want more freedom. They want more privacy. They want to be more adventurous. They want to lead an independent life without any interference from their elders. They don’t want to listen to their parents’ old day’s talks, their preaching and nagging. The young generation today has a very low patience level.  They are not ready to listen to any boring advices from their parents or from elders. They feel themselves smart enough to decide upon important matters. They have their own dreams and desires and they want to explore the untrodden paths. 

Saurabh Dixit, a BCA student of Hislop College feels that parents should be true friends to their children to guide them when they go wrong and to appreciate when they do something good. Nagging and reprimanding only lead to widening the generation gap between them. Today most of the parents want their children to be either doctors or engineers and if the children want to do something else, they are criticized for not keeping high goals in life. Parents should realize that other options are perhaps more lucrative and challenging rather than opting their favourite choices. By keeping high expectations parents should not put an additional pressure on their children as at this age they have many other pressures on emotional and social fronts. 

Big Demands 

Teenagers today want to look smart and stylish as the world today goes for outer appearances. They insist their parents to purchase only the branded goods like Adidas’ Bags, Nike’s shoes, Nokia’s new 96 mobile, Woodlands’ leather articles and designers’ footwear. The list is endless, and with the poor city bus services, they need a cooool bike to ride plus impress others. CBZ, Pulser, Charizma, Gizmo, nitro booster formula bikes etc. are becoming their choices. Riding and racing, jumping and curling have become a teenage craze. Where parents can afford their demand also rise to big and trendy cars. Wearing Rado’s watches and Rayben’s sunglasses are common amongst children of this age. Louis Phillipi, Levis, Pantaloon, Killer Jeans are some of the brands they prefer to wear. If their demands are not fulfilled, they create problems for parents by throwing tantrums. 

What do they want? 

 

Ø They don’t bear even the slightest insult from their parents in front of their friends. Even they don’t like to be called by their nicknames before their friends. 

Ø If they bring their friends home no inquires or grudges should come from their parents.

Ø They want to purchase their clothes and other things of their own choice and not of their parents’ choice. 

Ø They should not be treated like kids. They know more than their parents in almost all the matters and any imposed ideas from their parents will not be appreciated.

Ø They want their parents to behave friendly and considerately even if they lose their temper on silly things.

Ø They are not ready to accept any authoritative orders from their parents. Instead they want only polite requests. 

Ø If parents are purchasing some big gadgets like sofa, refrigerator, television or sound system their choice or opinion should also be considered.

Ø They have their own life and parents should leave them to live their life according to their choices and preferences.

Ø Parents should not keep high expectations from them and should not put unnecessary pressures on them.   

Ø They don’t want to learn lessons from their parents’ experiences. They want to do all adventures and misadventures in life which are possible for them. For example smoking a cigarette, drinking wine, dancing at discotheque, enjoying late night parties, making girl/boy friends and even going to the extent of doing sexual adventures (again thanks to porno internet sites easily available for them) but ultimately they want to learn from their own mistakes not from somebody else’s.

Rita Aggarwal, a famous Consulting Psychologist of the city, opines that teenage is the time for consolidation, for finding real identity and parents should change the gear of handling their children to keep a smooth pace as they are no more kids. They should take a back seat and let them interact more with their peer group. They should also stop guiding unnecessarily which leads to rebellious tendency in teenagers. Teenage tantrum is nothing but an agitation of mind and spoiling of the mood which results in stressful behaviour in the children and conflict at home. Parents should look at the things through their eyes rather than blaming them for their rebellious behaviour. It is not only the children who behave thoughtlessly, but sometimes parents themselves behave quite immaturely and become hostile to their children. This problem can be tackled quite amicably if they both consider and care for each other by respecting each others’ opinions, especially parents.   

Though teenagers today seem to be difficult to handle, they are sensitive enough to adjust in many fronts. They have greater power of understanding complex situations and tackling them quite confidently. They also have respect for good things and desire to accept new challenges in life. The point is that their energies and potentials should be tapped and channelised in proper manner by giving them right opportunities to express and utilize their talents.

                                                                                                                                                        

(Article for Impressions, published on 1st Nov.2008)